I used to visit the nursing home to visit my great grandmother who is now deceased. My father, brother and I went about every week and stayed for at least 30 minutes. She’d always be happy to see us and would express her happiness with incomprehensible words, a result of a powerful seizure taken place when she lived alone in Chicago. The only word she could really speak was ‘no’. She was definitely having real thoughts and feelings because she’d talk for ten minutes straight and point at us, then smile wider after she spoke, but she just didn’t know her words didn’t make any sense at all; the speech area in her brain was really fried. We were left to read her body language to know what she wanted and spoke about.
As a kid, going to the nursing home was discomforting, yet I felt sorry for my great granny so I dealt with the nursing home ‘smell’ and the seemingly soon to die elders. I could easily refer to the nursing home as a ‘ghost’s place’ because most of the elderly seemed to be already gone from this world. Some would be in their wheelchairs and appear as if nobody was home. I would feel uneasy when their eyes followed me; I’d wonder if they resented my youth, if they cursed and desired it in the privacy of their aged minds as they were ‘kept’ in the home until they withered out. Sometimes, which could quite possibly be true, I believe they thought, “why is this little niglet looking at me?” or “These damn nigras are everywhere”.
There was one old lady that I’d never forget. It happened on a routine visit to my great granny. On the way out, she had a spoon in her hand and told me to give it to my wife when I get married. A random worker smirked my way. I didn’t like being in that position so I tried to look thankful for having the nursing home’s spoon, and as I turned, she seemed to completely forget about me; I put the spoon down somewhere on the way out.
I’m still wondering to this day how of all the things she could have done, she gave me a random spoon for my wife, and she didn’t even know me! She must be the kind of person that loved to give things, particularly if it has to do with love and marriage. Her mind was weak but much remained intact in that old noggin. I sometimes wish I kept the spoon whenever I think about how sincere she was.
2 comments:
2008 was a very rocky year for my Grandmother, and she spent a great deal of time in rehab facilities which also basically served as nursing homes. Being in that environment can be such a heavy thing...seeing those, as you said who are just not "there," as well as those who are seemingly at their wits-end. It hurts, it is depressing, and you just want to LEAVE. And I know the looks you're talking about all too well..but I think it may just be the opposite of resentment.
Perhaps your presence in the home renews or revives something for them. For many older people who's physical abilities are limited, the most beautiful thing to them are their memories and taking themselves back to a time when they hadn't a care or concern in the world. Perhaps they see your youth and are reminded of a part of themselves that will forever be timeless.
Maybe that lady with the spoons looked at you and remembered a tradition of past love & romance. Maybe she was a woman who never had the son she'd dreamed of to pass this tradition on-to, so she chose you. Maybe she was just a crazy lady with a spoon, lol. But regardless of her or any of their motives, I guarantee you that your presence was that of a positive nature, even if you were just standing there. Many of these people don't get past the front lawn of the nursing home once they check-in. So really any outside traffic represents & exhibits the wonders of a world they have since left behind.
Thank you for commenting!!
What goes through the minds of the elderly is worth a moment of thought, we all will be old one day (hopefully).
Thanks for stopping by!! (so exciting)
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